How to encourage calmness in your dog
Aww, calmness. The state so many of us wish to attain in this very chaotic world. When there is no consistency in life, chaos often ensues. When there is too much to do, overwhelm happens and chaos becomes the default. Let’s learn to make calmness the default, not only for our dog’s sake, but for ours, also!
We can encourage calmness in our dogs, by first working on calming ourselves down. Our dogs will often mirror our chaotic and overwhelmed state so the first step in teaching them calmness is working on ourselves. One of the best ways to calm ourselves is through breathwork. There are numerous techniques, and the best part is many are simple, yet highly effective at helping to calm our chaotic and overwhelmed minds. If you find a specific breathing technique that works for you make sure to practice it so it becomes a habit that you can easily access during times of stress.
Years ago I took a stress management class in college and learned a breathwork technique that is very simple. The name of this technique escapes me at the moment, but I tend to just call it, “The In and Out”. I love it for its simplicity, I mean we can all use more simplicity nowadays. I think life wouldn’t be so chaotic if we just embraced the simple stuff in life, but I digress. If you notice that your dog is amping up and it is stressing you out or maybe even simply pissing you off because you just want to relax and hang out then excuse yourself from said dog and go into a quiet room for a few moments to collect yourself. You can go into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your bed with your feet grounded on the floor. Place one hand over your heart and one hand over your abdomen. Think to yourself as you breathe in, “I breathe in calm”, pause, then think to yourself as you breathe out, “I breathe out the chaos (or insert any other word such as overwhelm, stress, anxiety, frustration, etc)”. You can do this for as long as you need to until you feel the tension leave your body. Be mindful of the rise and fall of your hands as you breathe in and out as this can be something tangible to help you feel the calmness envelop you. Once you have calmed down then slowly stand up and then shake any remaining chaos out of your body. It helps to smile while you do this, plus it just feels good and is fun! Now, the most important part, minus becoming calm, is to not stay in your room hiding from your dog.
Another breathing technique that I like is called box breathing. This technique is used by Navy Seals, so if it works for them then it can help a person needing to learn calmness in their relationship with their dog! Here is a link to an article about box breathing from the Calm website. I don’t use their app, but I love their book! https://www.calm.com/blog/box-breathing
As you develop the habit of using breathwork to help calm yourself, you can start to practice it on the go, no matter where you are!! I mean, you cannot always go into your room to get away from your dog, that will not benefit your dog, nor you, in the long run! I also recommend including your dog in your breathwork practice as this can become something you share together and can help you both become connected through the simple act of breathing.
Dogs can get charged up when the household is in a chaotic frenzy. Dogs can become a mirror of the household they live in, so if you are wondering if your household is unusually stressed out and filled with frenetic energy, look to your dog. They can be a canary in the coal mine for you to assess the psychological health of your household. They can also get amped up and anxious because they have a ton of energy and need some outlet for all that energy. It is our job to help them build calmness through different behaviors we can teach them. Training itself can have a calming effect on some dogs because of the consistent engaging interaction with their people and a way to dispense their energy through focusing on learning and practicing different behaviors. The physical movement of some training will also help to channel their chaotic energy into focused calmness.
Beyond just training in general, there are specific behaviors and enrichment activities that can be taught to the dog to encourage calmness in them. I will discuss a few ways to train with your dog to help build calmness into your life with your dog.
Most dogs equate the leash with GO! If the leash is on then they are in a constant and excited state of motion! It goes without saying that for your dog to develop good leash manners your dog has to spend a lot of time on a leash, but for your dog to learn to be calmer on the leash you and your dog have to train together specifically for calm behaviors. I will discuss how you can teach your dog a default hurry up and chill behavior. The hurry up and chill behavior comes in handy, for example, when you want to stop and talk with someone, you want to stop and get your dog a drink of water or you want to stop and simply enjoy the sunset when out walking with your dog.
To teach the default hurry up and chill behavior you can either capture it or shape it. When starting this behavior I would recommend teaching it to your dog at your house before you start using it on your walks, but you very well could start working on it when out on a walk, it might just take a little longer for your dog to grasp it. You can reward with some of your dog’s daily kibble or some higher value treats, if needed. To practice this behavior with your dog you will need your dog’s leash, your dog’s food rewards, and a clicker if you want to use one.
If you want to capture it then you will start by putting your dog on a leash and then simply stand still in one place. Your dog might mill around or sniff here and there and everywhere. Be patient. Your dog might look at you and jump on you. Simply be patient and just stand there. Once your dog lies down be ready to mark with a click or a verbal marker, such as “yes” and then reward. It is best to reward your dog in position so he catches on faster, but if your dog gets up, reward in the place your dog was lying down. If your dog doesn’t get up and has received his reward, then simply take a treat and toss it away from him to encourage him to get up so you can practice the behavior again. You can practice 3-4 times during the first session. The more you practice the quicker this captured behavior will become a default behavior for your dog. Since it is a default behavior you will not add a cue to this behavior. You will vary the amount of time you have your dog do this default behavior, so please don’t mark your dog every time after he has been in the position for 30 seconds. Sometimes mark the behavior at 5 seconds, sometimes 30 seconds, sometimes 10 seconds, and sometimes 50 seconds. These are just some examples of the varying amounts of time you will have your dog in the behavior before marking and rewarding. Also as you build up to more time I recommend giving a calmly delivered treat after you calmly say “Good” as your dog stays in the down position. It can help your dog easily increase the duration of the behavior if he initially receives more treats throughout the time in the position versus just getting a treat at the end. As your dog starts to default to the down, you will then start to wait until the dog cocks his hip off to one side in a nice and relaxed down position that tells you he is really calming down and settling in. This will ultimately be the behavior you want for the default hurry up and chill behavior.
If you want to shape the behavior then you will start by putting your dog on a leash and then simply stand still in one place. Your dog might mill around or sniff here and there and everywhere. Be patient. Your dog might look at you and jump on you. Simply be patient and just stand there. If your dog sits, click then treat. If your dog even sniffs the ground you can click then treat. I also recommend rewarding as close to the position you are wanting as possible. In this case you are ultimately wanting your dog to lie down. Once you click I would then hold the treat close to the ground as you deliver it as this will often speed up the shaping process. If your dog has been rewarded a few times for sitting, I would then hold out for your dog to say dip his head down, then click and treat. Basically any movement, no matter how small that is closest to the final behavior of lying down on the ground. Some dogs will pick this up quickly as you shape it and others will take more time. Please don’t rush and go at the pace your dog needs to go. Once you have shaped your dog to do the relaxed down behavior then you will only reward the final relaxed down behavior of your dog's hip cocked off to the side. The more you practice this behavior the quicker your dog will learn it. And remember since this is a default behavior you will not add a cue to this behavior.
This was written using food rewards, but you could very easily use a toy reward, especially once your dog has learned the default behavior.
Here is a video of Dove doing a quick default hurry up and chill while I was getting ready to get her a drink of water so you could see a real quick example of the end behavior used in daily life together.
Practice the default hurry up and chill when you are sitting also. This will come in handy when you want to sit on a bench and enjoy the lake views. It will also really come in handy at the end of the day when you want to unwind and relax on your couch.
As you practice incorporating the hurry up and chill behavior into your life with your dog you can practice your breathwork technique at the same time!
A nice enrichment to encourage calmness as you both unwind at the end of the day is to place a mat/bed by the couch and once your dog does his default hurry up and chill behavior then you can reward him with a stuffed Kong or a safe bone to chew on. You can go all out with stuffed Kongs, but it is not necessary. I like to take their kibble and mix with some broth or canned food and stuff it inside the Kong. I then will plug up the end with a spoonful of something like a loaf canned dog food. If your dog is new to Kongs then don’t freeze initially as this can discourage a Kong virgin. Once your dog is confidently cleaning out the unfrozen Kong then you can start to freeze it, which is nice because it will last a lot longer. You can also use a nice quality beef femur or knuckle bone. I like the femur bones because they have hollow centers. I will put small kibble and treats inside it and then block the ends with a little peanut butter. Please make sure the peanut butter is xylitol free as xylitol is toxic to dogs. Also, make sure when giving food treats, whether for training or enrichment that you are subtracting it from their daily food intake because the goal is not to attain calmness because your dog becomes a beached whale and simply cannot move. Just saying.
I also want to mention that the goal is not to only work on calming behaviors with your dog. You do not want a dog that is so calm he won’t even engage and do more active training with you because all you do is calmness training. I have seen dogs that only had calmness training. They are kinda like zombies and not really interactive with their people much at all. If your vision of having a dog is only of a calm dog laying around or a sleeping dog, then maybe get a stuffed animal to cuddle with and not a living breathing dog. I mean, it is something to think about for sure!
I would love to hear how your calmness training for both you and your dog is going! Do you have a favorite breathwork technique? Have you been able to incorporate the breathwork into time with your dog? How is your dog doing with the default hurry up and chill behavior? Did you capture it or shape it? Was the pdf helpful? Do you keep your pdf’s in a designated notebook? Does the Kong and/or bone end-of-day enrichment help your dog unwind? Do you feel calmer? Is your dog developing some calm behaviors, if so what are they? Please respond in an email or through Facebook or Instagram. I would also love to see any photos or videos of you and your dog practicing calmness in your lives together! If you would rather not respond these are also good prompts for written reflection in your training journal.
Please remember you are the world to your dog and you are the only person that can give your dog the life you both deserve together! Plus, the world needs more clever dog-human connections! Thank you for learning to be clever with your dog!
